Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
