wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
