i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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