He uses pillows to masturbate.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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