No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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