I accidentally burped into my bong.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My pussy is not your playground.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
