sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
