when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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