There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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