it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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