Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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