You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
