Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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