Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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