I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
