Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
