A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize