the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
