In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize