Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
