i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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