I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
