Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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