How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
pray to the hookup gods
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
