As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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