I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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