Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
