Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
