you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
