i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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