that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
