I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You ruined the universe
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
