4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
