You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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