Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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