At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
sex in a hospital.. check
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
