Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
