Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
