I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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