just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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