Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
