Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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