yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
