At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize