I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
