OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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