I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
