I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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