we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
