I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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