Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
