Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
