Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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