i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
