She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
