He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
