I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
