Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
