dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
