U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize