I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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