You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
