This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
