I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
