Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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