I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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