i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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