my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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