remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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