the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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