I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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