is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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