Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we made out on top of his cat.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What a dumb baby whore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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