i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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