This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
pray to the hookup gods
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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