There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
