I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize