i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
