Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
