I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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