We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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