Did you just see the Batmobile???
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
