Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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