I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
